Look At Me
by Pazel
Summary: Misa's thoughts on Light.


I stood in front of the mirror, still clothed in my black dress cut to the middle of my thigh. It had a leather corset top and a tutu bottom, all black with red lace down the sides of the leather and sparkly red confetti that were tied in with the tutu. It was a very plain, but pretty, dress. I tugged at the silky, blood red ribbons that tied up the corset-like sides, loosening the attire so that I could undress. I pulled them through the holes that lined the dress, letting the material slide through my fingers.

I let the thing fall to my ankles, clothed now in only my panties and knee-high black lace socks.

I examined my body. It was slim and attractive, with a large bust below a protruding collar bone. My legs were slim and my hips were feminine. All in all, I had the "perfect body". I was a model; I had to.

I opened a drawer and pulled out a nightgown. I pulled it on and tugged off my socks, wiggling my toes once they were free of the itchy material. I looked back in the mirror. The fluffy pink nightgown puffed out like a bell almost, showing most of my legs.

I looked through the mirror in front of me. It reflected the open door behind it into the living room. Light was in that room on the couch, typing relentlessly on his laptop; totally absorbed in his work.

He hadn't glanced once at my more or less nude body.

Why?

Wasn't I perfect?

Men all around the world, men old enough to be my _father_, dropped at the sight of me. They were cute fans, and I felt honored each time someone told me that I was beautiful, but Light…

He's never called me beautiful.

I've asked if he thought I was beautiful.

I've asked if he thought I was pretty.

I've asked what he thought about me at all!

I was desperately searching for even the slightest hint of love from him.

Each time, I got the same answer, usually a one-word reply, or a grunt. If he was in a good mood, I sometimes got a full formed sentence, but it was really just packed full of what I wanted to hear and usually as short as possible.

Unless, of course, he needed me to do his dirty work. Then he'd flatter me 'till I was sure I'd burst! But did Light know he didn't need to flatter me to make me give his life for him? He must know; he knows me so well. That's why I believe each word is true.

Not that it mattered whether it was true or not. It came from Light's mouth, and _that's _what mattered. Light was an amazing man who did everything for a reason. As long as he allowed me to be by his side, then I knew he needed me.I was certain he'd throw me aside the moment I was nothing more than an annoyance to him. If I was still here, then there was a reason for it. As long as I was needed, as long as my being and his were tied together by even the smallest reason, I really had no right to ask for more.

"Light?" I sang, smiling. "How's your work going?" I stood in the doorway of the bedroom, looking into the living room. I tried to strike one of the sexy poses I used often for modeling, but Light didn't even look up.

"Exhausting," he answered, rubbing his thumb against his lower lip. He stared at the bright screen blankly.

I walked up behind him and massaged his shoulders for a while before snaking my arms around them. He didn't turn to me, and the click click click of the keyboard didn't even pause at my touch. I let the back of his head rest on my bust and rested my cheek on his hair, smelling it for only a moment before unraveling my arms and pulling away.

Sometimes, even though I loved him so much, his lack of affection hurt me with just as much intensity as my love for him.

Why wouldn't he notice me?

I knew why. From the very moment I jumped on board this crazy train, I knew that he wouldn't love me and that he'd just use me for my eyes. He'd just use me for the ability he didn't have.

I ran my fingers through his hair as I pulled away. I wondered if he knew that my actions, also, always had a meaning behind them? Each time I touched him, each flicker of my eyes to him, each time I breathed in his scent, was, and always will be, purposely done.

Not once have I rubbed against him, even in a crowded or tight place, without a cause. I just always want to touch him. It feels though, even though we live together, that we are merely acquaintances living in two very different worlds.

But, he hasn't touched me once.

Of course, he's touched me; there's just never been any feeling behind it except for determination. Determination of making the world a better place. I'm just so happy that I get to be a part of that.

I have him all to myself; shouldn't I be happy with that?

But, I still wish he'd show me some feelings. He's always so busy with work, with the lies we're forced to tell, with making the utopia, with his opponents...

I watch from the background, wanting more than anything to stop it all and make him look at only me. Even once, just truly look at me. But it's almost as if we're complete strangers.

When he wasn't using me, he was ignoring me, unless we were around people. Then we had to make a show of a happy couple. I never minded that part, because I got to cling to him, got to hold him, and got to see him look at me.

Oh, how I wanted him to look at me!

Notice me! It's not fair!

I notice you.

But, even when he looked at me, I realized that he was looking _through_ me, thinking in that amazing mind of his and planning his next moves. He would bask in the glory that everyone was believing the lies he fed them- but it everything is for a good cause! Light, Kira... he's justice!

No, he never looked at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

"Are you alright?" I snapped back to reality as his words distracted me from my thoughts. He had turned from his spot on the couch, twisted in an uncomfortable position to stare me in the eyes. "You're oddly quiet."

I smiled as cheerfully as I always did. "Yes, of course, Light!" I exclaimed, hugging him like a puppy dog before he could ask any more questions.

"Misa! Get off!" he yelled, pushing me away with his elbow as he held on to his laptop with one hand.

I let him push me away, even though I could have held on. I smiled as he gave me a strange look and turned back to his laptop.

Someday, he'll be the god of his new world, and I'll reign as goddess. For now, I'll just have to be pleased with the amount of him he gives me.


End file.
